Not All That Glitters Is Gold
by Bronwyn O'Reilly
Summary: He can't feel anything, not really. How can he? His heart and his smile have been stolen. Kubinshi/Kejoro
1. Lightless

**Part One: Lightless**

'You're being an idiot about all of this.'

Kubinashi smiles mirthlessly. "You always say that. Why should this time be any different?"

Kejoro runs gentle hands over his jaw, her thumb coming to rest just on top of his bottom lip. 'Because this is just needless. You always lecture me on practicality.'

"I suppose I do." He trembles, ever so slightly, and her hand is withdrawn. "Just goes to show what a horrible lecturer I am."

'Don't say that.' She wraps her pale arms around him, pulling him into a ghost of an embrace. 'Don't say that.'

There are three different kimonos hanging from the beams. Kubinashi can't bring himself to take them down; their bright, warm colours light up the darkened room in ways that nothing else can anymore. They smell like Kejoro, like the almost-perfumed scent that wafts around her and fills his mind whenever he pulls her close. A hairbrush rests on the small stool in the corner; it is a permanent fixture in the room.

His head bobs down, almost coming into contact with his shoulders, and he pushes his palms into his eyes. They burn, an ache that, like the hairbrush, won't go away.

'Shh…hush, darling heart,' Kejoro whispers, her voice quieter than Kubinashi has ever heard it. 'Shh…'

Gold and mahogany mingle in an intricate dance, with neither a beginning nor an end, but eventually the strands separate. Kubinashi moves back, pushing himself up on unsteady limbs that tremble as he puts his weight on them. Kejoro moves forward, arms reaching out to help, but he brushes her off with a sad smile.

"Where do you think they'll serve the strongest sake?"

'You shouldn't, you really shouldn't.'

He laughs bitterly, eyes glittering with something more than despair, something tangible. "I don't think it really matters anymore. It's not like I have a life I can lose via liver problems, and anyway, you know as well as I that I'll never finish more than a bottle."

Soft hands stroke away the tears, and his eyes close instinctively.

"It's not fair."

Melancholy eyes trace his features. 'I'm sorry, darling heart.'

"You needn't call me that, not…not now, of all times."

His heart aches, breaks, and falls in two at the beautiful woman's feet, and he can't help but despise himself for it. She doesn't deserve this, didn't deserve that. His burdens should be his alone, his to deal with and his to suffer. She had no right to worm her way into his heart, making her presence such an integral part of his world that he would be reduced to such a state; she had no right to steal his heart and pay for it with her own.

"Kino…"

The name falls off his tongue and he bites down, trying to take back the damning word.

'Shh…'

Arms wrap around him once again, and he leans back, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder. The air hangs heavy with the sound of silence.

'Smile for me, Kubinashi.'

He shakes his head.

"How can I, when my smile has been stolen from me?"

**A/N: …I write these two terribly depressingly. To be elaborated on.**

**- Bronwyn**


	2. Beacon

**Part Two: Beacon**

The rain splattered on the ground lightly, making ripples on the small puddles already dotting the concrete. The sky was grey, a dull, cloudy grey that made everything seem darker and more foreboding without actually being any darker than any other thunderstorm.

A figure hurried down a side street. It was a woman, beautifully dressed in a pink and white patterned kimono. Her incredibly long brown hair was loosely tied up near the crown of her head with a red string, some hanging down over the right half of her face. She was walking quickly, but she wasn't running and appeared to be taking more care about her dress than anything else.

A closer look revealed that she was holding a package close to her chest, protecting it from the rain and others' sights. She was doing an admirable job of being subtle; unless one looked incredibly closely, they would miss the fear in her eyes, the tautness of her hands, the downward curve of her mouth.

She glanced around then darted down an alley. She was less than three paces in before she stopped and spun around, eyes widening in surprise.

Light filled the alley, then disappeared, leaving nothing but puddles on concrete.

The rain fell ever on.


	3. Tenebrosity

**Part Three: Tenebrosity**

It is a dark and stormy night.

Kubinashi does not understand this statement. The first adjective, 'dark', is implied with the fact that it is night-time; why state it explicitly? It would be far simpler to just say that it was a stormy night, and leave the 'dark' implied.

Therefore, it is a stormy night.

Wind rattles along the tiled roof, making clattering noises that would disrupt the heaviest sleepers. Kubinashi does not doubt that Rikuo-sama would be capable of sleeping through it, and the same goes to several of the other youkai. Aotabo, Kurotabo, Kappa. Yuki-Onna would be awake, but not due to any fault of the weather; she is a lovely girl, but Kubinashi knows that she is young and likely stressing over one problem or another.

For his part, he sits upon said roof, letting the rain chill him to the bone and the wind turn his hair into a tangled mess. Kejoro sits behind him, just out of his line of sight, but he knows she is there. She never seems to leave. He knows this is because he has thus far proven himself to be incapable of looking after himself, but he doesn't think she needs to be up here. It isn't as though he is going to fall off the roof.

'You're being an idiot about all of this,' she says fondly.

"Someone has to keep watch. It's my shift, why shouldn't I fulfil my duties?"

'Because this is just needless.' She moves forward into his line of sight, just inside his peripheral vision. She looks stunning as always, even though the rain falls in sheets and the wind is causing her long hair to become a cyclone of brown strands. 'You always lecture me on practicality.'

Kubinashi rolls his eyes, curling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them to make himself as compact as possible. "You never listen, so I don't know why I bother."

Kejoro smiles widely, her eyes closing and her face becoming radiant. He yearns to reach out and trace the curve of her cheek, the point of her chin, but resists.

Silence reigns, and he lowers his head, resting it upon his knees. "I'm so sorry, Kejoro. If I had just – "

'Don't say that,' Kejoro hushes him, her smile falling. 'Don't say that.'

He wants to get angry. He wants to have someone to blame, something to destroy, something he can beat and then this will have all fixed itself up. But the only target is himself, and it is slowly tearing him apart inside. His eyes burn again.

Angry sobs shake his shoulders, and Kejoro tentatively moves closer. 'Shh…hush, darling heart. Shh…'

"I'd follow you, if I could. You know that, right? I'd follow you to anywhere you chose to go."

'You shouldn't, you really shouldn't.'

He shudders, grasping for the shreds of his iron will. Slowly, the tears dry, and he regains control of himself. He bites his lip. "I made another ribbon for you. Your old one was getting old, so I… what am I saying? You don't need another one."

'I'm sorry, darling heart,' she teases, apparently relieved to see him return to something that might – if viewed in the dark by a blind man – be good humour.

He looks across the courtyard, catching a glimpse of Rikuo-sama in his night form. The Third Heir gazes enigmatically at him for a while, before giving him a nod and returning to the mansion; Kubinashi doesn't quite know what to make of it, so he brushes it aside and stands up, stretching his arms above his head.

"Kejoro, can you help me for a second? My back has – "

He stops. The words die in his throat, or at least where his throat would be if he had one, and he reaches up to press both hands over his mouth. A sudden surge of nausea crashes over him, and he tumbles down into the tiles, closing his eyes. He breathes heavily, labouredly, trying to calm the sudden onset of pain.

'Shh…' Kejoro kneels next to him, fingers running along his spine so lightly that he can barely feel them. She leans around to look him in the eyes, a difficult task due to his awkward position. 'Smile for me, Kubinashi.'

He shakes his head in denial, blinking as if to clear his sightline. With a rough move, he pulls away, tumbling over the edge of the roof to land, catlike, on the grass below. He manages to stagger to where Kurotabo rests and wake him to exchange watches, before running off in the opposite direction.

Yuki-Onna pops her head out of one of the rooms as he passes, and he vaguely registers her calling his name. It sounds muffled, as though it is wrapped in cotton wool, and he presses his hands to his ears. Clarity is lost.

He only regains it again when he is halfway through a bottle of sake.

**A/N: It is my long accepted headcanon that the red string that ties up Kejoro's hair is one of Kubinashi's. I don't know whether it's canon or well-known fanon or just me; it's hard to tell. Anyway, I hope this is beginning to make a little more sense! (I realise that the first two were quite vague and seemingly unrelated – I promise, it will make sense. Eventually. Feel free to guess!)**

**- Bronwyn**


	4. Illumination

**Part Four: Illumination**

The buzz of a mobile phone cut through the awkward tension in the room. The more prominent members of Rikuo-sama's Hyakki Yako had gathered in the main council chambers to give their reports on the state of affairs, and somehow Kurotabo and Kubinashi had managed to get into an argument. This didn't happen often; they had a healthy respect for each other, Kurotabo was far too poised to work himself into a fit, and Kubinashi almost always had Kejoro pulling him back and reigning in his temper.

But Kejoro was out on an errand, and so when Kubinashi took offence to one of Kurotabo's assessments of the capabilities of the other members of the Hyakki Yako there was no one to hold him back.

Kurotabo received a harsh glare from Kubinashi before the blond yokai took out the mobile phone and flicked it open, pressing it to his ear and moving out of the circle of demons. He said something in a low voice, just on the edge of Kurotabo's hearing, and then stepped back further.

Kurotabo glanced at Aotabo with a shrug, and the larger yokai shrugged back.

"Kubinashi?" Rikuo asked, adjusting his glasses and frowning in puzzlement. He'd previously seemed content to let the two yokai squabble, but the sudden change in the atmosphere in the room had him intervening. "Who is it? Is something wrong?"

Kurotabo leaned around to peer past Yuki-Onna and saw that Kubinashi had become dangerously pale, one hand gripping the front of his jacket in a grip so tight that his knuckles were turning white. He moved over to the younger, and asked, "Kubinashi? Who is it?"

Kubinashi practically shoved the phone at him, before he was nothing but the sound of running footfalls on the hardwood floor.

Kurotabo stared at the contraption in his hand. The kanji on the screen read 'Ryota Neko', so he put the phone on speaker and said, "Ryota Neko? It's Kurotabo. What's going on?"

"It's Kejoro!" said the cat yokai from the other end of the line, his breath sounding laboured as though he was running. "She's – it's – where's Kubinashi gone?!"

"He's on his way." Kurotabo shot Rikuo an inquiring look, and received a nod in return. "And so are we."


	5. Pitch

**Part Five: Pitch**

Kubinashi stares down into the depths of the bottle. It's painful, almost, to see that there is still liquid swirling at the bottom, and he rectifies the problem by tipping it upside down and finishing it with closed eyes.

'You're being an idiot about all this,'

He stares at the floorboards.

'because this is just needless.'

The voice is quiet, as if coming from far away, but that is only because of the fog that inhibits his senses.

'You always lecture me about practicality.'

His fist clenches around the bottle, so tightly it smashes under his grip. He drops it.

'Don't say that.'

Kubinashi presses the palms of his hands to his ears, trying desperately to block out the words. "Stop…just stop…"

'Don't say that.'

He crumples in on himself, the shards of the empty bottle of sake glittering in the low light of the Bakeneko Club. His breath is laboured, heavy, and he can't stop gulping down sobs.

'Shh…hush, darling heart. Shh…'

If only he could.

'You shouldn't, you really shouldn't.'

"Who are you to say that?" he asks, voice thick.

'I'm sorry, darling heart.'

"No. No, you don't get to say that, not to me." Walls, emotional shields and barriers begin to fragment, and he can feel the pain rising in his mind. Another sob.

'Shh…'

A gentle caress of soft fingers, and images of chestnut hair and radiant smiles cross his mind, before the tears truly threaten to flow down his cheeks.

'Smile for me, Kubinashi.'

And so the dam breaks.


	6. Radiance

**Part Six: Radiance**

"Kubi – "

Ryota Neko barely had time to register the running yokai before he was gone, dashing along the entrance hall of the Bakeneko Club towards where the back rooms where. The den was quieter than normal, almost as though the usual gamblers and drinkers had predicted the oncoming storm and remained at home, wisely choosing not to involve themselves in the events unfolding.

He chased after the blond, straightening lanterns almost unconsciously as he ran. There was a sudden choked cry from inside one of the smaller rooms, and he skidded to a stop at the doorway.

Kejoro lay on a futon, her abdomen stained with blood. Her beautiful kimono hung in tatters around her, held together by little more that sheer force of will, and her hair was matted with blood. Kubinashi had collapsed to his knees next to her, his head jerking around with panic as he shoved away the bakeneko attendant and tried to stifle Kejoro's wounds himself.

"Kubinashi, there's nothing you can do," Ryota Neko said quietly, stepping forward to rest a hand on his old friend's shoulder. "She's passing fast."

"No!" Kubinashi's head shot up suddenly to glare at him. "There must be something I can do! She's…this is Kino, she can't just die! What happened?"

"We just found her like this outside the entrance," he replied. "She was already unconscious and hasn't woken at all in the past twenty minutes."

Kubinashi's face drained of all colour and he looked back to Kejoro. "Kino…Kino, please, wake up. Come on, we'll get Zen and he can do something. Kino! Please!"

Ryota Neko was about to tell him it was pointless when he saw Kejoro's eyelids flutter. Evidently Kubinashi saw it too, as he leaned over to gently run a hand over her forehead, his fingers teasing, taunting, trusting in their power to wake.

"Come on, Kino. You'll be fine, just wake up. Please. You'll be okay, we'll get Zen to heal you, and then I swear I'll never let you be hurt again; I swear it!" Kubinashi's eyes were alight with a fire Ryota Neko had only seen twice before. "You just have to wake up. That's all. Wake up, and stay awake, and I swear you'll be okay."

Lashes flickered, and eyes opened to reveal loving brown irises. "You're being an idiot about all this…" Kejoro breathed, laughter lacing her voice.

Kubinashi let out a relieved sigh. The blond squeezed his eyes closed, a smile tilting the edges of his lips, and said, "It worked, didn't it?"

Kejoro shook her head, a fraction of a movement, and gave Kubinashi a compassionate look. The beginning of the smile disappeared from his lips, and his eyes widened. "No…no, no, no, that's not fair. Why…why won't you…why can't I…?"

"Because this is just needless. You always lecture me about practicality."

"Practicality?! You're going to die! I can't…how am I supposed to just sit back and let that happen? You can't; I won't let you! I've loved you for too long to lose you now!"

"Don't say that…" she begged in a quiet whisper, a trembling hand reaching up to grasp his.

"Why not?" Kubinashi shook his head vehemently. He curled in on himself, shoulders hunching and head bowing, so much that Kejoro could reach up and cup his cheek without lifting her elbow from the ground. "I love you, Kino; I am in love with your smile, with your heart, with your life; I am in love with your love. I live as you live."

Tears leaked out of Kejoro's eyes. "Don't say that."

His eyes slid shut, but Kejoro opened them with a light touch of her fingers. Azure met cocoa, both glittering with tears and something more, and Kubinashi raised his hand to cover Kejoro's. His shoulders trembled, before he lowered his forehead to hears and let the tears flow freely.

"Shh…hush, darling heart…shh…"

"I'd do _anything, _Kino – I can't – you – please, _please, _let me come with you – "

"You shouldn't, you really shouldn't." Kejoro traced the contours of his cheekbone, as if memorising the features of his face, the feel of his skin. "I'm sorry, darling heart…"

"_Please…_stay with me."

He was gasping for breath, and his entire form shook with the power of his sobs. Pride had been done away with. All that remained was grief and desperation and vehement denial.

"Shh…" Kejoro buried her hand in his hair and drew him down, burying his head in her chestnut locks. She stroked the crown of his head and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Smile for me, Kubinashi," she said faintly, strength wavering.

One last smile for a dying love.

Uncompromising eyes lightened, softening with care and love, and his lips lifted so that the tears in his eyes spilled over even faster.

Kejoro pressed her lips to his, capturing his smile in one of her own.

Her eyes slid shut.

There was a burning ache behind his eyes, and when Ryota Neko blinked, he felt a cascade of water fall from his eyes. Kubinashi's hunched form shimmered behind the veil of tears, glittering in the lowlight of the lanterns.

Silence settled among the dust and ashes of a broken man.


	7. Void

**Part Seven: Void**

Time passes.

Seasons change.

Kubinashi is never the same. His loyalty to Rikuo and Wakana is the only thing that keeps him going, the only thing that keeps him fighting; he can't leave them like this, not after he'd promised the Second Heir that he'd always stand by them.

He withdraws.

He and Ryota Neko make up, eventually. Their decades old falling out is forgotten, in light of Kubinashi's crumbling sense of self, and for once the blond isn't embarrassed to forsake his pride. As much as he hates to admit it, he needs Ryota Neko.

He spends a lot more time on the roof these days, sometimes with company, sometimes without. When with, he prefers to be around Kappa, or sometimes Itaku if the Tono have come to visit; Kappa because he respects the need for silence sometimes, and Itaku because he isn't afraid to pick a fight, and sometimes Kubinashi really needs an outlet for the sheer _anger _that he feels at the world sometimes.

But, the world keeps turning.

Time passes.

(It never feels the same again, not really)


End file.
